Robert Frost once famously said that good fences make good neighbors, and while this is certainly true, I think that it would be much more accurate if he had also added, “and even better siblings.” Because there is nothing that makes the sibling relationship more bearable than a door that closes between them. And when I say bearable, I of course mean bearable for the rest of us: my children might be shut away inside their own rooms privately wallowing in misery and despair, but as long as they are not making each other miserable and despairing (and as long as their misery and despair is of the quieter sort), I am okay with that.
Some people might disagree, and say that, on the contrary, keeping your misery locked up behind a closed door is exactly the sort of behavior that contributes to developing one of those damaged psyches that keeps their feelings bottled up inside to fester and burn for the rest of their lives. The fact that some people think that this is a bad thing tells me that some people have probably never driven across the country with two children who despise each other. And they have most definitely never shared a hotel room with them.
Please understand that I still firmly believe that giving your child a sibling (or two) is by far the best method there is for socializing them, and especially for teaching them how to handle unpleasant, annoying, and frequently, downright psychotic people. There really is no other method quite so effective. Heck, even professional torturers must experience pangs of guilt and self-doubt every now and then, causing them to let up on their victims—these are emotions that are entirely unknown to your average older sister So, yeah, I believe that having siblings is necessary. However, as necessary as it may be, that still doesn’t mean that I want to experience all of that socialization first hand. After all, I already did my sibling time when I was growing up; I’ve been (somewhat) socialized. And that is why when we travel I always insist on getting accommodations with a door that closes somewhere in the middle.
I have no other requirements. Cockroaches are fine, bed bugs are tolerable, ancient burial grounds inches below our feet are not a problem. I wouldn’t even mind if Norman Bates himself checked us in, bloody knife in hand. Is there a door separating the room into two different spaces? Then I’m fine.
In fact, if I had my way we would arrive at the hotel in two different cars, sit at two different tables in the restaurant (or better yet, two different restaurants), and maybe even vacation in two different towns. Don’t get me wrong: I enjoy spending time with my children, and I’m sure that (sometimes) they enjoy spending time with me. Being together with them is a good thing. It’s just that, on a vacation, it’s hard not to have the phrase “too much of a good thing” circling through your head constantly.
This summer we are going on a two week trip through the canyon, and I have to admit that the part that makes me the most nervous is the fact that the Grand Canyon is notoriously bereft of doors that shut. I know, I know: it’s a big place. My question is whether or not it will be big enough to separate two warring siblings. And yeah, I know that we would not be the first party to be at each other’s throats down there, but unlike some of the others that didn’t get along so well, I would actually like for my entire party to make it out alive.
Or, barring that, I would at least like to be able to make it out with a tiny shred of my sanity.