I have never been a fan of catch phrases. Maybe it’s because I grew up a child of the seventies, where every TV show’s main character had a saying that was all their own. (Actually, that might be true for TV shows of any decade—it was only in the seventies that I watched so much TV I had the schedule memorized. Not that it was too hard to memorize four channels.) Still, if I’m going to blame my hatred of catch phrases on anything, I think that growing up hearing Mork saying “Nanoo Nanoo” and the Fonz saying “Ehhhhhh!” every week are certainly safe targets. Safe enough at least that I can probably put off my psychoanalysis session for another week.
Probably.
Anyway, it’s at least a safe enough excuse that I don’t feel like my dislike for them is too strange. Which is good, because if I thought I hated catch phrases before, on television, I had no idea how much I’d grow to dislike them when I had to deal with them in person. And in my own house, no less. And, of course, coming from the mouths of my own dreadful children.
The catch phrase currently in play? “Right this sec?” As in a question that is directed at me whenever I ask them to do something. “Hey, since you finished your shower ten minutes ago, do you think you could come turn off the water?” (This is actually something I’ve had to say.) “Right this sec?” is usually the aggravated (and aggravating) reply, to which my reply is also usually the same, an equally aggravated (and I’m sure equally aggravating), “Yes!”
Actually, when I say children I’m not being quite honest: this catch phrase belongs to my son Clyde alone. It is his alone because the one used by his older sister, Clementine is: “In a sec.” It doesn’t matter how pressing the matter might be, how long I have been hanging off the edge of the cliff or standing on the stoop juggling an armful of groceries, almost every request is answered with “In a sec.” (I say “almost” because there are some occasions that merit immediate action. “Can you come get this twenty dollar bill?” for example.)
And yet, even though Clementine has been using her particular catch phrase for about ten years now, for some reason Clyde’s version is more irritating to me. Perhaps this is because “right this sec?” actually requires a response, and therefore my participation in the ongoing charade that my children 1) actually listen to my requests, and 2) have the slightest intention of ever acceding to them.
I think I understand enough about both human and child psychology (funny how we consider those to be two different things) to know that their refusal to jump right up and follow my demands is more about them learning to separate themselves from me than it is about actually being defiant. I also know that this is a completely normal step in their development (from child to human, apparently). And yet, I still need the water in the shower turned off sometime this week.
Maybe, to avoid hearing the catchphrase I should simple avoid speaking myself. Maybe I should have cards printed saying something like, “I realize that you are your own person, completely separate and autonomous from me, however, in this case, I’d really like you to go do the thing I asked you to do, immediately.” And in return they could have cards printed with their reply. I’m pretty sure that I could get a few dozen cards made fairly cheaply. At least, their cards would come fairly cheap.
After all, how much ink does it take to print three little words?